FemShep and Garrus, sitting in a tree …

9 May

… trying to awkwardly figure out how inter species alien sex might actually be possible. Not the most romantic proposition I’ve ever had come my way, but like I said before, he just kinda does it for me.

You got that right, kiddo.

After FINALLY unlocking his loyalty mission, i went immediately to the Citadel to complete it. After comsulting the interwebz and guaranteeing I didn’t fuck it up (let him kill whatshisname. got it), I finished his loyalty mission and saved the game. This special moment was going to wait for the next day when I was alone.

not this time you won’t be!

After lighting some candles I went down to the third level of the deck to see my man. He thanked me for my help and told me about how Turians like to spar on their ship to ‘relieve tension’, and that he once sparred and tied with a woman – in his words “he had reach, but she had flexibility”. Me, the whorish FemShep, offered to help him relieve tension the same way – my flexibility could work all over his reach, if you know what I mean.

GOD DAMN IT GARRUS TAKE THE HINT! I could strip off all my clothing like Jacob and he would ask if I just needed him to look at a wonky mole.

After that awkward metaphor he got the hint, and decided to “research some music and how exactly this would work”. Romantic. And then … disappointment. He doesn’t wanna do it until we go on the last mission! WTF?! I have so much more to do before then. Wahh!

*Sigh* I guess I’ll get working on all the other shit I need to get done. Until then, Kelly and Mordin are gonna give me a laugh about my new boytoy, and I’m gonna stop bringing him on missions cuz he keeps on dying anyway.

In the mean time, I haz an imaginary, alien boyfwend. d’awwww :)

Until next time!

CeraTopz (@Cerajoy)

Follow us here! @thegeekmates

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